Posted in Life, Religion

Faith & Life’s Meaning

What are we living for? I mean really? What does it mean to be a Christian??

I can say that in some ways I feel lost. In other ways-I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be: in the world not of it.

I spent most of my childhood in church. I was taught how to get blessed, what sin meant, how to live a life pleasing to God, etc. and most of it involved following a set of rules. You can’t do this or that. We don’t believe in this. Those people over there? Yea they’re going to hell.

How can we be so sure?

My life altering experience is two-fold. The first comes from my visit to a seminary during my senior year of college. The Christianity I encountered there was NOTHING like I grew up with.

It was loving. It was inclusive. It was mind stimulating and didn’t require me to check my brain at the door. It was…refreshing.

When I returned home to my large mega church I’d never felt more empty.

I slowly began to disengage from church until I was no longer attending. I wanted more. More than just a show on Sundays rooted in emotion. I had questions I wanted answered but wasn’t in an environment I felt would welcome them.

I understand the African-American tradition is a rich one, full of history & heritage dating back to the days of slavery. How could I reconcile my faith with what I saw and experienced on a regular basis? I felt like an outsider in a community that claimed to be loving.

My other experience is an ongoing one…meeting people who love and follow Christ’s teachings but aren’t linked to a specific local church community. They’ve shown me what love REALLY is. Moreso than people who self-identify with Christianity.

Life isn’t meant to be lived inside of this Christian bubble we insulate ourselves in. Life is meant to be lived OUT, to share our lives with others. To be present with them in their times of struggle, to not just say ‘I’ll pray for you’ and then walk away, but ‘I’ll pray WITH YOU, let’s do something about it together.’

There’s so much I could write about it, but in my ‘wilderness’, I’ve learned so much about what it means to be human and love God, love people. More than any sermon I’ve ever heard.

I am still learning what it means to have faith in a world that can easily cause you to lose faith in humanity. I have faith. I have not lost hope and pray that I never will.

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Posted in Life, Married Life

Panic! At my house

So yesterday morning I ended up at the ER scared outta my mind, short of breath, shaking, light headed, heart quickly beating…I didn’t know what was going on. I just know I didn’t wanna die.

Turns out it was a panic attack. They gave me some medicine to calm me down and it helped.

What triggered it? I’m not sure I could tell you. I went to bed normally, and next thing I know, before I could even fall asleep, I was having a panic attack that lasted over an hour. No bueno.

I was at the ER two hours before I was finally feeling better and went home. I went and slept for hours and had never been more grateful for sleep.

I’ve been reminded on a regular basis how fragile life is and it scares me sometimes. But life must go on.

My husband has been GREAT. He has been my rock, he didn’t fully know what he was getting into when he married me. He reassures me all the time and encourages me to not worry as much, to live life and enjoy my family.

My family is concerned and rightfully so. But I want them to know, I’m good. I’ll be better!

I turn 26 in a few days and I’m EXTREMELY grateful to see another year of life! I’m looking forward to celebrating another year of marriage with my husband in July and starting a family. Life is good and I don’t take it for granted at all. I’m truly blessed & fortunate.

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Posted in Life, Relationships

Only the Good Die Young

It’s been quite a ride lately. In October-December, I lost 2 cousins, a close family friend, and my sister-in-law, all quite suddenly, all quite tragically. I was hoping to put all that grief behind me. Then 2012 hit.

Not as close to home but still close. A high school classmate passed in January. Then another high school classmate was killed in February. Now? Yesterday, I find out that the guy who introduced me to my husband, passed on Sunday night and another high school classmate passed last Thursday.

The friend who introduced me to my husband kinda hit hard. Because our schedules never matched up, it’d been a few years since we’d all gotten to hang out.

The crazy part about all of these deaths? They’ve all been young people. Not elderly people who died in their sleep after a long life, long marriage, grandkids, etc. Most of these people who passed away left behind plenty of hopes and dreams, left unfinished, some left behind kids, some left behind careers only just getting started. That’s the difficult part to cope with.

So as I end this post, I’m left with memories of all the recent people I know who have lost their lives but entered a new stage in life, the afterlife. It’s not goodbye, but see you later.

Posted in Life, Married Life, Relationships

Iron Sharpens Iron

My best friend 🙂

That man in the picture? Hubby. My best friend. My partner in crime. And someone I respect and admire the HECK out of.

He has a work ethic out of this WORLD. He works hard at EVERYTHING he does, no matter what it is. He is VERY competitive…and initially that is what attracted me to him. He brought the competitor out in me too.

I don’t know what happened, after a while, I kind of went back to the old me and stopped competing. It’s like that confidence that I had completely went away. And that’s not cool. At all.

I had a talk with hubby tonight about it. And he gave me a much-needed pep talk on confidence, not doubting myself, thinking outside the box, speaking up more and just being myself, no matter what.

I’m somewhat of a late bloomer, it always takes me a little bit to find my way. It most definitely did in high school, in college. Now that I’m in the real world and I have yet to really even start my career, it all falls on me. I have to compete. Hubby (and another good friend of mine) stressed the importance of it. All the greats, people I admire and look up to, compete. And it’s not by working harder, it’s by working smarter. It’s by using your strengths to be the BEST in your lane and what you do. If you wanna be the best, you gotta compete. You won’t be the best by simply saying that you are.

Iron truly sharpens iron. Hubby is my best friend and the pep talk we had tonight? Is precisely why.

Posted in Life

Hola!

I probably shouldn’t start a new blog…but eh, those who know me, know I like to do things I necessarily shouldn’t do. *shrugs*.

I have a more personal blog, one I’ve had since I was 20ish…been on that site since I was 18…decided it was time to upgrade. I like to write, and there are times I like to share my world with others. For those times? This is why this blog exists! I’ll definitely write about married life & the bliss it entails, friendships, relationships with family, career, sports, etc…and whatever else I find interesting. I’m not really allowed to talk about my job, which is fine by me…there’s nothing to talk about anyways LOL! This will just be more of my life as a twenty-something nearing 30 (and is the only one excited about it! smh lol). My life is NEVER a dull moment, something is ALWAYS going on with me…so welcome!