‘Fathers be good to your daughters
Cause Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers
and turn into mothers
so mothers be good to your daughters too.’ -John Mayer, ‘Daughters’
It was a normal Friday on twitter and facebook. Until this story broke about Creflo Dollar being arrested for battery.
Allegedly, he choked his daughter and slammed her to the ground after he told her she could not attend a party and she struck him first. He later told the media he was disciplining her.
Emphasis on allegedly, because we really don’t know all the details. But it brought folks out from all sides of the spectrum speaking on corporal punishment.
Not surprisingly yet surprisingly, many black folks came out in support of Creflo, justifying the ‘discipline’.
At what point is it punishment, and at what point is it abuse/domestic violence?
I called my father to ask why he stopped putting his hands on my sisters and I before we reached the teenage years, and he replied ‘because I knew it would be more effective to punish you in different ways.’ And those different ways for us involved grounding, the revoking of privileges and things that we held close to us.
I’m pretty sure Creflo didn’t plan to put his hands on his daughter…but even if my parents FELT like it, they never did it.
At what point do we in the black community, decide that we might want to change the way we discipline our kids if there’s a chance that the law can intervene and tell us that the way we discipline our kids is illegal?
Just questions I have. Just saying that this doesn’t sit well with me, mistake or not. And it wasn’t okay for her to hit her father either, if that really did happen.
It becomes problematic when a man decides to hit a woman/young woman/girl, whether it’s his kid or not. Particularly because I’m thinking of the size factor. How much a man weighs, how tall he is. And how much smaller a girl is to him. A man doesn’t know his own strength, quite often. And that is scary, even problematic to me, coming from a daughter’s standpoint.
Discipline doesn’t have to always be physical. I think a conversation is necessary in the black community about how our kids, especially our daughters, are disciplined. I think a conversation is necessary for how we love our sons and raise our daughters. I know kids today are facing much more, becoming more violent. But from a daughter standpoint, I knew that it was NEVER okay to put my hands on anybody, family or not. So, if your daughter becomes violent, chances are, that MIGHT reflect on you as a parent.
I can’t tell anyone how to parent, because I’m not one. But I can say, I hope that at some point, alternatives to the traditional physical corporal punishment, especially between a father and his daughter, emerge in the black community.