I often wonder what people think when I speak with such urgency on wanting to be settled. Not that I care, but I wonder if they think I’m crazy.
I sometimes envy the people who are happy and settled. They know their career trajectory. Some of them are married with kids and pretty much done procreating. Some have bought houses and have laid down roots somewhere officially.
I married my husband, almost two years ago, and we began our quest to settle down.
Right before we married hubby got a great new job. After we married, I graduated from college. Began a job that has resulted in me being limbo after graduation until the present-meaning? I took a job that I was just supposed to work temporarily. Temporarily has resulted in being there 18 months later, which is unusually characteristic for me.
We’re nowhere near ready to commit to Cleveland, as we don’t consider this home, so we’re searching for a new place to call home but really have no clue where to start.
I admitted to my husband this past Thursday that it makes me feel a tad unsettled, not really being sure where home is for us, or not having a career path just yet.
I love my life with him. I love that I get to spend the rest of it with him. Having more questions than answers, though, is difficult for me to live with for longer than just a few months.
Uncertainty, I understand, is part of life. And humans, most of us, crave stability. I’m really not one of those people who can go wherever the wind blows. I have lots of questions that I would love some answers to.
I don’t need to know everything. I don’t wanna know when and how I’ll die. I don’t need to know the exact job title, boss, and workplace that is next (but having an idea of what I’m working towards would be nice). I don’t need to have the answers to all my questions. But having a general direction that I’m going in would be nice.
I guess this is what being in your twenties is all about, the process of figuring things out in life. You won’t ever have all the answers to your questions.
I just want to go from being unsettled to having some place to call home so hubby and I can start a family. I want something to work towards, career wise. I have long term goals of things I would like to accomplish, but figuring out which one to start on first is something I have yet to decide.
If I know nothing else, I know that I’m a writer, that I love my husband, and that one day, hopefully within the next year or two, we’ll be more settled, finding a place to call home. Until then? I’m a stable foreigner.