I can’t lie, when I got married, it was still, very much about what I wanted. I wanted to move.
I wanted to go to grad school in another state. I wanted this, I needed that. I claimed I was doing it for WE, when I was really just talking about ME. And that’s how it came across to K.
I didn’t ever present it in a way that it would be a win-win for me and K. It was more so about me, and getting K to see MY side of things. That’s not how it works in a marriage.
Sometimes you have to take a hit for the team. In marriage, compromise doesn’t necessarily mean that it’ll be something you two both like and agree on. Sometimes, you’ll get your way (with the spouse agreeing to it) and sometimes your spouse will get their way (with you agreeing to it). That’s what compromise really is.
Being a team, means that you cheer for each other, even if one of you is ‘on the bench’. It means giving each other much-needed pep talks, when the score says Home Team 1, Visiting Team (whatever trials, challenges, etc comes your way), 14. When your back’s up against the wall and you don’t see a way out…that’s then your teammate says ‘we’re in this together.’
There’s no I in team, because you don’t throw a tantrum when you don’t get your way. (guilty). You don’t think about just what you want, but what we want. You both wear the same jersey, with the same name on the back. Your spouse isn’t an opponent. Your spouse is your teammate. For life.
And that, means more than you know. Well, at least to me it does.