Posted in Life, Motherhood

Make You Proud

So first things first, exciting news! If you’re not connected with me on twitter or facebook (follow me on twitter!!!), then you didn’t hear the news, about me being pregnant! Yes, K and I are expecting, our little one will be here around the end of June!

As I prepare for motherhood, I look back at the year(s) that I’ve had…and I can honestly say, I’m proud of myself.

I’ve always tried to make decisions I wouldn’t regret later on, ones that I would be proud of. Of course I’m human and have failed at that goal, it happens. But I can honestly say, 89% of the decisions I’ve made? I’m quite happy with them and wouldn’t change the outcome either.

I did what made me happy. I made difficult decisions that I don’t regret. I am still learning how to handle people with care, I want to say, I’m failing at that currently with a few people in particular and I’m working on it. But I’ve grown SO much in the past two years.

As you shift into your twenties and beyond, your focus [somewhat] goes from wanting to make your parents proud to wanting to make you proud of you. Of course, I still want my parents to be proud of the daughter they raised…but ultimately? If I’m not proud of me…it doesn’t really matter.

I want to really emphasize this to my kids while raising them, the idea of personal responsibility, and starting young. I want them to own their decisions, to not only do what makes them happy, but doing the right thing, in all areas of life.

I’m still young (turning 27 in March), and it’s a good feeling to know that even through mistakes, I’m growing from them. I’ll write soon on a few things I’ve learned this year, but just wanted to say…focus less on making others proud of you and more on making you proud of you!

Posted in Life, Married Life, Relationships, Religion

The Trivialization of Marriage (and other things)

So, apparently it took a blog about marriage to get me back into the swing of things with writing. Yup. I needed to say something.

This woman, is in a relationship, and has had 2 kids with her boyfriend, as well as bought a house, and desires marriage. Her boyfriend does not. She’s taking that personal.

While I don’t have anything in particular to say about her situation, I do have something to say about the trivialization of marriage.

Over the last few decades, marriage has become ‘just a piece of paper’ to many. And I take that personal. I also know it’s much bigger than me.

There are SEVERAL states, legalizing gay marriage, gay couples all over the country, are fighting for that supposed ‘piece of paper’. Because they recognize, that piece of paper symbolizes something bigger than the both of them, and it comes along with several rights.

In several places, that ‘piece of paper’ is the difference between getting insured under your partner’s insurance or not. It’s the difference between being allowed to visit your loved one in the hospital or not. Among many other rights that I don’t have the time or space to list in this post.

That ‘piece of paper’ symbolizes a commitment, to your loved ones, to each other, that for better or worse, you’re in this for the long haul.

Now, do vows get broken? Of course. It’s human nature, it happens. But it’s not something to take lightly. Folks often do. But in my opinion, it doesn’t change that marriage IS a big deal.

This, is not a post to talk anyone into getting married. If you don’t want to get married, that is fine. I’m not writing to change your mind.

I AM saying, if marriage wasn’t a big deal? It wouldn’t have such a big impact economically and socially in most countries. I respect those who don’t want marriage. Or kids. Or a house. Or those other big life events. However? Don’t trivialize it for those who do want it.

Whatever someone desires? I say if it isn’t harming someone, if it makes them happy, what is wrong with it?

I’m vowing today, to not trivialize anything that does no harm, if someone desires it.

If I want kids? Dog, don’t tell me how having kids isn’t a big deal, and how kids ruin your life, and a bunch of other things, to trivialize and minimize what I think will make me happy.

If I want to go to Europe? Don’t tell me how going to Europe is overrated and that I won’t like it, and that it’s not a big thing.

I want what I want. And I’m not settling. Period.

This is a gospel song, but Marvin Winans sums up how I feel in ‘I Still Believe’.

Posted in Faith, Life, Married Life, Relationships

The Power of Submission

so a few months ago, earlier this year, I wrote a piece on ‘surrendering.’ And I wanted to not only revisit this topic, but expand on it, by talking about submission.

A few days ago on twitter, I mentioned how there was power in submission. Not everyone agreed with that sentiment, and I can understand that, because not long ago, I felt the same way.

Submission, in many ways, has been explained as giving up something, kind of a giving up of power.

I wish I could properly explain the beauty and the power of giving up that power.

As I near closer to 30, I feel like I understand submission better.

To me, submission involves trust, and knowing who and what you’re submitting yourself to. I cannot blindly submit, give up ‘control’ to something or someone I don’t know. And I put control in quotation marks, because it’s a false sense of reality, to even think that you’re in control in the first place. There are things you’re in control of, you do have the free will to make certain choices and decisions. But control? Hmmm. that’s debatable.

I’ve been a ‘control freak’ for much of my life, since I was a kid. I suspect part of it has to do with me being an oldest kid, I’m not quite sure. But at any rate, it led to me stressing over things I had no control over. It led to me not knowing where the true source of my power laid.

Two years into my marriage? I’m realizing it’s counter-productive to try and control things. To try and control my husband, the marriage and how things happen, my life, OUR life together. We spend more time fighting over the same vision, yet different ways of carrying out that vision.

Submitting to him, means that, I trust him, wholeheartedly, to not just lead us, but to know how the two of us should work together to make our common vision come to life. Instead of me trying to control things and him trying to control things, we balance it out, through mutual submission.

Also just applies to life in general. Only this year did I realize that I’m not in control of my life, at least not fully. There are day to day things, that I have control over. I also possess God-given wisdom that allows me to make decisions based on information available. Anything outside of that? Not under my control. Realizing that, has allowed me to realize the power in submission.

The power comes from being able to focus on the day to day things, and not worry about what may or may not happen. It allows God to do His thing and take care of me. It’s teaching me how to get out of God’s way, as my husband says.

The longer I held on to wanting to be in control, the more stressed I was. The more I learned to let go and release those things I could not control? The more I was able to enjoy life, and practice gratitude. The more I was able to let things unfold the way they’re supposed to.

I think this doesn’t even fully explain, the way I’d like it to, the power in submission. But there’s nothing more powerful, than surrendering your power, to something much bigger, much greater than you.