I’ve finally, FINALLY realized why I write. And how I write. And who I write for. And, it’s caused a little apprehension each time I push the ‘new post’ button and begin to type. It is even more nerve-wracking when I hit the publish button.
Will someone be able to relate?
Will I be looked at funny?
Will I be judged?
And it takes a ton of courage sometimes, to push that publish post button.
But I realize I’m doing myself a great disservice if I just write what folks want to hear. I’m also doing others a disservice.
There are a few books I’ve refrained from writing at the moment. Because of the pressure that comes along with being a Christian who writes.
Suddenly your life is on trial. It’s an open book for all to read. Even if you don’t disclose every little detail, your every move is watched. Every post on facebook is scrutinized. And even every tweet/retweet is read into.
It is enough to make an introvert like me hyperventilate.
I realized enough was enough one day when someone questioned what I put up on a status. And I was silly enough to defend/respond.
I vowed that would be the last time I did it.
Part of being a writer involves reading. There are lots of great bloggers and writers that I look up to, and ironically, it’s because they’re not afraid to be themselves. They are human. They’re far from perfect. They own up to their mistakes. But they are unapologetically themselves. And people love them for it.
And here I am, comparing myself to them.
“Oh my goodness. I can’t post this. What will people think?”
“I can’t retweet that. People will stop reading what I write if this has a curse word in it.”
The pressure has gotten to be too much.
Then I realized that it’s all in my head.
The pressure comes from within. I know who I am. I know where I am in my life. So does God. And yet, he still gives me words to encourage. To empower. To inspire. I write with the goal of sharing myself and encouraging myself, and yet, I constantly hear from others how much it helped them.
So, why am I tripping? My worth isn’t caught up in the number of people who read my blog. It isn’t in what others’ think of me.
How many times have you discounted what you have to offer because you felt like you didn’t measure up to someone else’s standards of ‘good enough’?
How many times have you second-guessed yourself and your testimony because you knew it was far from perfect?
How many times have you kept quiet because you were ashamed?
I understand. Because that’s been me forever.
But someone out there needs for you to get out of your head. Stop thinking so hard and just DO. SAY. BE.
Someone out there needs to hear what you have to say.
Someone out there needs to see what you do.
Chances are, there are others out there saying “Oh my goodness, me too!”
There will always be critics. There will always be people who don’t get it.
But the people who don’t get it? Your message/story is not for them.
And that pressure you apply to yourself because you’re imperfect, because you make mistakes, because you don’t have it all together?
It’s all in your head. God knows. God sees. God hears. And wants you to share yourself anyways.
How else can others get free if you stay in your head?
Step out and be brave. So others can be brave too. And be free.
But you must liberate yourself first. And know that it’s okay to be yourself. It’s okay to be YOU.
You’re uncommon for a reason. Because, there are others out there who are also uncommon and need to know they’re not alone.
So go ahead. Be free to be YOU. And stop telling yourself stories that are merely fairy tales. Because there’s no such thing as a perfect human. It’s an oxymoron. It’s a lie.
So, FYI…I’m FINALLY releasing my book this year. As of now, the release date is slated for May 2014. More info will be forthcoming! But, this blog entry was definitely a preview of what the book will be like!