Posted in Life, Relationships

Hide and Seek

So, I was having a conversation this morning with an awesome woman I know, who said she was looking for a man. I asked her where she was going/frequented, she then admitted that she didn’t go anywhere.

Let me warn you before going ANY further, I’m progressive…except when it comes to chivalry. I personally believe a man should pursue a woman. I believe in gentlemen who open doors, who don’t honk their horns when picking up a woman for a date. I believe in men asking women to marry them.

Am I saying women shouldn’t ask men out? Nope not at all. I’m definitely a feminist. BUT, I like to see women pursued, swept off their feet. I’m a romantic.and i think men should prove themselves. Let the man chase you. Let them pull out all the stops.

Anyways.

Ladies, let me be real with you.

If you want to be married, or even dating/in a serious relationship? You need to be in and frequent places where you can be found.a man most likely won’t show up at your doorstep while you just watch movies all the time after work.

So without further ado here are some of the best places to meet men:

Church. I know, i know, some of you may think ‘there are no good men at my church/good looking men.’ But, there are other women there who may have sons, grandsons, brothers, nephews to set you up with. Go to church to strengthen your relationship with God. And seek out mentorship of an older, married woman who can help prepare you to be a wife!

Hang with married women/couples. Married women know good men who aren’t married. Whether it be a brother, hubby’s coworker, etc…they Can spot marriage material from a mile away especially if they are in a good healthy marriage themselves.

School. Check out the campus center/library/your classroom. I met my husband at college, at a salsa/merengue dance workshop. And the rest is history.

Gym. It’s good for you to stay fit and find someone else who values their health as well. Usually more men there than women!

Professional conferences/organizations. You’ll automatically have something in common if you meet a man at a conference. Dress to impress!

Alumni clubs from your college. You share a common background by attending the same college/university. And if education is important, you’ll find someone with at least a 4 year degree there and a good job.

Meetup groups. Find one for your interest. Make new friends. Even better if you meet a guy who shares the same interest!

Travel. Go see old high school/college friends. They may introduce you to single men they know. Or you might meet a local cutie in the social scene there.

Weddings. Don’t be afraid to go without a date or with a friend! You might catch the eye of one of the eligible bachelors there 🙂

Other places include: local bar. Especially during sporting events. Starbucks. Birthday parties. Library. A friend’s family reunion/gathering. Local grocery store.

Now…you CAN meet men online too. Many have met their future spouse online. But, i still suggest you get out and get FOUND if you really want to get married. Get out there and live life, be exciting. Do amazing things, Do what you LOVE. The right man will find you!

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Posted in Education, Life, Motherhood

Things I Wish

I watched American Promise tonight, a documentary on two African American boys and their experience in education from Kindergarten to 12th grade. It was eye opening, it had me looking at my desires for my son’s future education in a new light.

The two boys started Kindergarten at the prestigious, predominantly white The Dalton School in New York City. The documentary followed the boys through their highs and lows through 13 years. I watched as the two boys struggled academically, socially, and were even labeled as disruptive at one point. Administrators acknlowedged the struggle to keep black boys enrolled at the school, noting that the black girls usually excelled there.

I won’t give away too much more of the documentary, but I looked over at my son, my bright, curious, active 7 month old boy, and thought about the kind of educational experiences I hope for him.

Growing up in inner city public schools, mainly magnet and honors programs, my experience was different from that of my male counterparts. The boys in my classes especially in elementary and high school, were far outnumbered by girls. Especially amongst minorities. I can count all the black boys in my high school honors classes on one hand.

I think about what I want for my son. On one hand I want diversity for him, similar to the upbringing I had, as well as my husband. But then I think about what was sacrificed-aside from my middle school years at a majority black school on the other side of town, I had very few teachers and administrators of color, that looked like me. I don’t recall a black male teacher anywhere prior to middle school. I am thinking I want a different experience for my son.

I want him to thrive academically, socially. I now appreciate the caring family/community I experienced at the HBCU I attended, as well as the inner city campus of the community college I graduated from. Those two experiences alone were more formative than any other time in my life academically-I was empowered, encouraged, to pursue opportunities that my peers at majority white institutions weren’t necessarily exposed to. I was in an environment that not only was I encouraged to excel, but was expected to.

I want that for my son.

My nephews are thriving in a diverse suburb, after struggling in inner city schools. But I also wonder what my son’s experience will be like if placed in a similar setting, as I remain hesitant to enroll him in the worsening city schools my husband and I graduated from.

Only time will tell what we will decide, but we will fight for our son to have the best possible education.