Posted in Life, Love

Good Grief


I’ve officially been divorced for 5 months now. Every now and then people ask me how I’m doing (if they even knew i was divorced…if you didn’t know…now you know)…my response?

“Eh.”

I don’t know what a typical divorce is or looks like. I don’t think there’s such a thing. I just know the last 2 years have been a ROLLER COASTER of emotions. 

Divorce is strange. It’s a death that you grieve even though the person is still alive. And you don’t just grieve the marriage but the entire life that went along with it…friends, the places you lived and frequented, all your hopes and dreams with that person about the life you wanted to live together…dead. And you’re left with all the memories, good and bad. Those you want to forget and those you can’t remember. So many milestones, especially if kids were involved.

This isn’t the life I had planned for when I would be 32. I thought I would have been on kid #2 by now, a homeowner, stable in my career, celebrating what would have been my 8th wedding anniversary back in July. (And strangely there was no sadness on that day for the first time in years)

But life had other plans in store for me. There’s been good days where peace was abundant, where I wish nothing but the best for the man I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with.

Then there’s been other days. Those days were dark. I’m still not ready to fully talk about those. Maybe one day.

I have an AMAZING support system who has let me cry and babble things that made zero sense, let me pour out my feelings, really ask me how I’m doing even on those days I’ve posted all the positive things on social media. I also lamented about the people who weren’t there, because they either chose not to be, or didn’t know how to be, because they were hurting too. Divorce doesn’t just affect you and that person you said vows to. It affects your community too, especially those who were there up close through your marriage. 

 
However, there is beauty that emerges from the ashes and brokenness, hope that comes from despair, growth that comes from pain, lessons that come from loss. The transition to it is both painful and joyful, you battle guilt that comes along with happiness after divorce…but you get through it. No matter whose fault it was that the marriage ended, you get through it. Everyone handles grief differently…the death and perceived failure itself is not what matters most. It’s what you do with it that defines you.

Divorce is a death, but the grief of it also gives way to new life, a rebirth.

Here’s to the rebirth and new beginnings in my life. ❤

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