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Posted in Life, Love

Good Grief


I’ve officially been divorced for 5 months now. Every now and then people ask me how I’m doing (if they even knew i was divorced…if you didn’t know…now you know)…my response?

“Eh.”

I don’t know what a typical divorce is or looks like. I don’t think there’s such a thing. I just know the last 2 years have been a ROLLER COASTER of emotions. 

Divorce is strange. It’s a death that you grieve even though the person is still alive. And you don’t just grieve the marriage but the entire life that went along with it…friends, the places you lived and frequented, all your hopes and dreams with that person about the life you wanted to live together…dead. And you’re left with all the memories, good and bad. Those you want to forget and those you can’t remember. So many milestones, especially if kids were involved.

This isn’t the life I had planned for when I would be 32. I thought I would have been on kid #2 by now, a homeowner, stable in my career, celebrating what would have been my 8th wedding anniversary back in July. (And strangely there was no sadness on that day for the first time in years)

But life had other plans in store for me. There’s been good days where peace was abundant, where I wish nothing but the best for the man I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with.

Then there’s been other days. Those days were dark. I’m still not ready to fully talk about those. Maybe one day.

I have an AMAZING support system who has let me cry and babble things that made zero sense, let me pour out my feelings, really ask me how I’m doing even on those days I’ve posted all the positive things on social media. I also lamented about the people who weren’t there, because they either chose not to be, or didn’t know how to be, because they were hurting too. Divorce doesn’t just affect you and that person you said vows to. It affects your community too, especially those who were there up close through your marriage. 

 
However, there is beauty that emerges from the ashes and brokenness, hope that comes from despair, growth that comes from pain, lessons that come from loss. The transition to it is both painful and joyful, you battle guilt that comes along with happiness after divorce…but you get through it. No matter whose fault it was that the marriage ended, you get through it. Everyone handles grief differently…the death and perceived failure itself is not what matters most. It’s what you do with it that defines you.

Divorce is a death, but the grief of it also gives way to new life, a rebirth.

Here’s to the rebirth and new beginnings in my life. ❤

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Posted in Empowerment, Life, Wellness

doing differently-a lifestyle!

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I am super close to beginning my second year of teaching, I am using these last few weeks and retrograde period to reflect on this last year or so and use it as a springboard in year two to build upon it.

If I can think of ONE word to sum up what I need MOST in year 2 in order to be an effective teacher?

SUPPORT.

SUPPORT would be that word.

My first year of teaching was CRAZY and AMAZING all at the same time. I had SO much going on, personally, that affected me professionally. But an ongoing theme for me was SUPPORT. There were MANY times I just didn’t feel supported (even though I was…another story for another time).

My colleagues struggled just like I did, but not as much. Their idea of support, was different from mine. and they were upfront about me having semi-unrealistic expectations.

And man, they were right.

As I eagerly and anxiously await the start of my second year of teaching, I am approaching this with a different mindset.

in many cases, it helps to be what you want to attract. For me, that means if I WANT support, I need to not just ask for support, but create support for myself too.

That starts with simple things, like an early bedtime. A healthier diet. Consistent and simple exercise. Some kind of outlet to relieve stress.

SELF CARE IS SUPPORT! It’s MUCH NEEDED SUPPORT! I need to be at my very best in every way, in order to provide support for my students and colleagues.

that’s just basic level support.

For me I also have to add in a second level. For me this means possibly hiring a fitness trainer, someone to help with meal prep, finding a mentor who is a current (or former teacher).

This also means getting a therapist and seeing them regularly.
that one for me is a big one. I haven’t been to therapy since Fall 2016, when I first separated from my now ex-husband. LOTS has happened since then-new city, new career, new chapter in life-and in order to really get support? I need to find a therapist. That is a MUST.

I know some of this may seem like a DUH moment for y’all to read this, but I don’t think I’ve ever been this serious about a career in my life. I don’t think I’ve ever thought this way PERIOD, when it comes to my life, in at least 3 years.

I’m aware that I’m in a very critical season of transition (just like I was last year) and I don’t want to feel like I’m drowning again.

So cheers to figuring out what I need and making a plan to ensure that I have the support I need to be the best ME I can be in this new chapter of my life.

Posted in Faith, Houston, Life

Just a Kid From Cleveland: First Year down in Houston!!!

Ever since I was a kid, I KNEW I wanted to experience all that life had to offer outside of Cleveland. I knew I would someday live in another place. And finally after a lifetime of wondering what it’d be like, a chance suddenly arrived, for me to do just that.

1 Year ago I arrived in H-Town, with everything that could fit in my car…ready to begin a new chapter of my life, career, but still very much in the midst of closing the previous chapter…I was excited and nervous all at the same time. On a whim I applied to a job (shoutout to my childhood friend who encouraged it!) and GOT IT. Next thing I knew I had 10 days (give or take) to move to Houston…and I arrived here on July 3rd, to begin a new chapter! 

 
WHEW words cannot even begin to describe how AMAZING this last year has been and how much HELL I went through this last year, professionally and personally.
 
I’ve experienced some AMAZING times here so far! I’ve:

-won tickets to see Peabo Bryson/Jeffrey Osborne
-seen Brian Courtney Wilson in concert (gospel singer, one of my FAVORITES)

-survived a Hurricane
-sat through HOURS of Houston Traffic LOL
-gone to a carnival randomly
-rode my bike through downtown Houston
-been to a Houston Astros game when they played the Indians
-lived on both the north and southside of Houston (and prefer the Southside lol)
-made some INCREDIBLE friends
-joined an AMAZING church, Wheeler Avenue Baptist Church
-taught the BEST group of kids ever, class of 2024
-been to Galveston and San Antonio

And the list. goes. on. that was only a partial list. lol

 
Not only have my friends back in The Land been INCREDIBLY supportive from a distance, but I’ve made met some AMAZING women here that I’m proud to call friend whose kids have also befriended my son this summer…I promise Houston has spoiled me in SO many ways lol. I’ve grown SOOOOO much as a woman, a mother, a teacher…part of me wishes I’d came here sooner but the other part of me knows God’s timing is PERFECT! As I’m getting ready to leap into the unknown yet again (details when the ink is dry lol) I am Looking forward to what this next year has in store for me!
 
#JustakidfromCleveland
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Buffalo Bayou Park, July 2017 Photo taken by: MissDei
Posted in Faith, Life, purpose, Spirituality

Teaching…a calling? Hmmm

They never lied when they said don’t chase purpose, purpose will find you.

I said before that I was a latecomer to teaching, meaning I knew I was supposed to be teaching awhile back, but held out to gain more experiences in different areas.

This year tried me in MANY MANY ways. SO many days I wanted to quit.

If you asked me at the beginning of the year, or even the middle of the school year, if teaching was a calling for me…I would have said no. I knew I loved teaching, but did I feel teaching was a calling?

Absolutely not. Even as recent as a few weeks ago, I still wasn’t sure.

But now? Having finished my first year of teaching and facing another major transition, there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing right now. Trust, I tried to look for other jobs. I tried to convince myself I wasn’t cut out for this, I tried to see myself doing something else.

But I could not.

As of right now I DEFINITELY view teaching as a calling for me, but I also am wondering what kind of mark I’ll leave, what kind of impact I’ll have on my students. I see all the other teachers on social media and they all have their thing they are known for. Some have started non profit organizations, others are coaches, motivational speakers, etc.

What will be my lane? I know I’m passionate about self-awareness and teaching my kids to speak up and advocate for themselves and what they need. I cannot wait to continue that and really refine it more as I move throughout my career.

But one thing I know for sure, my path will continue to unfold. I have unspoken dreams that I’ve barely mentioned to anyone that I’ve held close to me…I cannot wait to begin working on those dreams as well.

Life is full of twists and turns, I’m learning to learn as much about myself as I can, use it to my advantage, and to relinquish control in this great adventure called life.

Posted in Life

2017-A Year of Change

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2017 was a year for the books.

I started the year unemployed, living 10 min away from my childhood home, with my son. I’m ending the year in a new career as a middle school teacher, in Texas, 1300 miles away from my son.

If I only had time to tell you everything that happened in between. But it’s not fully my story to tell at the moment…so it will have to wait.

I’ve learned of God’s grace and mercy over and over and over this year. I’ve been blessed to have an incredible support system that tells me the truth whether I like it or not, and loves on me even when I feel like I don’t deserve it.

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There’s alot I don’t know about what my life will look like when the dust settles. But I’m learning to embrace change, and to not fear it. I’m learning to love ALL parts of Dei…flaws and all. The unconventional parts. The parts that I think don’t deserve love…are the parts that need love the most.

In 2017 I:
Was unemployed, filed for divorce, applied for COUNTLESS jobs for MONTHS before finally landing one…in another state…I drove 20+ hrs to Houston with my godsis, began a new career as a middle school teacher and discovered…I love teaching middle school! Survived my first hurricane, hosted my first friend/visitor in Houston right afterwards, traveled to San Antonio and Galveston, met new sorors & friends, grew closer to line sisters. Found a new church home in Houston. The move to Houston itself was surely an adventure and I’m finally beginning to settle in here.

In 2018 I want to:

Learn to accept myself fully, complete my first year of teaching and return for a second, earn my teacher certification, travel more, restructure my finances to begin to chip away at debt and plan for the next phase of life after divorce, get fit and run a 5K, enjoy my first full summer in Houston. Continue to make new friends here and keep in touch with loved ones in Ohio.

Andddd with that being said…2017…it’s a wrap.
2018, I’m ready for you. ❤

Posted in Education, Life

Adventures of a First Year Middle School Teacher-Semester 1 is DONE!

I still remember the first day I started teaching. I was naive. I didn’t think I needed to do routines and procedures practice with my kids. I thought I could just tell them and they’d remember.

Clearly, I’d never worked with kids before.

There were so many things I wanted to do as a first year teacher, during my first semester.

And then right after the eclipse in August, by that Wednesday, we’d gotten word that a hurricane was headed our way. By that Thursday it was predicted that it’d be a strong category 4, maybe even a category 5, possibly worse than Katrina. We joked that we’d still have school on Friday. But when they cancelled school, we knew it was serious.

I spent most of that next week, worried about my kids I’d just met but fallen in love with. Were they okay? Did any of them deal with flooding and lose valuable belongings? How many of them would return to my school or be forced to relocate due to the hurricane?

Fortunately most of them would return but a few of them had been affected by the hurricane. As soon as we returned we had to hit the ground running to make up for lost time.

And everything I wanted to do, went out the window, because, I had to prepare them for testing and cover lost ground. In the midst of all of that I had my own personal stuff going on. I moved immediately after Hurricane Harvey into a new spot and had to fly back and forth to Cleveland to take care of some business and see family, in the midst of me teaching.

To put it simply, I had ALOT going on my first semester of teaching. I struggled with classroom management and pacing and faced a steep learning curve of lesson design. I put in long days of lesson planning and procrastinated with grading. There’s SO much to juggle in teaching, it is truly a juggling act that takes lots of practice and preparation.

It is now the end of the first semester and I can honestly say, I’m proud of myself, I’m proud of my students. Gains are happening, even if they aren’t huge. Many of my kids came to me reading grades below the grade they are actually in and many of them are catching up or are caught up. I actually can make it through a lesson now (I couldn’t say that in September or even October)!

But the biggest lesson I learned, is grace. Grace with myself, and with my students. I look at my students when they ask me why I cant be more like Ms. ____________ or Mr. ______________.

But they’re not asking me to be JUST like the other teachers. They’re asking me to be more of myself. To find those parts deep down inside that my kids need. The humor they need in the midst of not so exciting material. The strictness and structure that provides not just boundaries, but safety. And most importantly…the love they need to grow not just academically but emotionally, and socially as well.

All in all, my first semester of teaching was an adventure. I learned alot. I have alot ahead of me for next semester, as I prepare my kiddos for state testing and moving on to the 7th grade. It’s TOUGH but…I love what I do.

Posted in Education, Life, Uncategorized

No Place I’d rather be…

First Year Teacher Struggles

Classroom management…if I can just get these kids to BE QUIET!!!! I love them dearly, but geez…can y’all wait til I’m done teaching before y’all talk? I promise I don’t stand in front of them long!

How can I engage them in a way that is interesting to them so they will want to listen?

Comparison…comparing myself to other teachers does my students (as well as myself) a great disservice. There’s only one Ms. G…and when I’m too busy comparing myself to others, trying to be something other than me…my kids miss out. My kids need the authentic Ms. G. Not someone trying to be another teacher.

Content struggles. Ahhhhh poetry. Poetry, like much other forms of writing, is an art form. And its’ interpretation is subjective. Trying to figure it out in order to answer questions so I can teach my kids how to answer questions the way the writer writes them? Can we say frustration?

100 minutes. 100 minutes of engaging my kids. Many different levels of learning in one class, 3 times a day. Many different personalities. Many different times of repeating myself, giving consequences, telling kids to stay in their seats, stop messing with another kid, etc.

And yet, I wouldn’t trade ANY OF IT.

Despite the struggles, my kids do actually learn something from me. and it feels good when they do.

My kids actually learn. And it means I teach. and I’m not half bad.

Well I’ll be damned.

And there’s no place I’d rather be!