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Posted in Life, Uncategorized

Push Past Comfort

My, how alot has happened since i wrote in here last. I am in a different state, beginning a new journey as a teacher…

And once again, I’m in a new place where I don’t recognize the woman in the mirror.

But it’s a good thing. I don’t recognize her because, she’s more vocal. More assertive. More sure of herself. More of herself.

In the midst of all these life changes…the divorce…the job loss…the new job…the moving 1300 miles away from everything I’ve ever known…I haven’t wanted to write OR do videos.

I had to make myself sit down and write this. I have a few trusted friends that I confide in and spill my emotions and feelings to. Between that, and just trying to process it all…my desire to write has all but disappeared lately.

Truth be told, this season, my new home in the great state of Texas, is great but SUPER uncomfortable at times. I came here, to experience the discomfort. I knew that growth was waiting on the other side. But geez…lol. You never know how uncomfortable things will be until you are smack in the middle of it. Til you’re forced to face the conundrum of things in your life that seem to oppose each other. Til you’re forced to get over your ego, your pride, your past hurts to reach out to others for help.

I can sit here and say that it hasn’t been easy to deal with my own fear of rejection, failure, and discomfort as I navigate a new place, both literally and physically. But it’s been healing, in a strange way, to rediscover who I am, to confront those fears and to push past discomfort. There’s no person, place, or thing that is magical, that will cause you to grow. Your mindset, however, is the key to growth. Your mindset determines whether or not you’ll see challenges and run or see them as an opportunity to grow. I’m not going to sit here and pretend that those three things don’t influence your mindset. They absolutely do. You ever go sit by the lake to think? Or go to your best friend’s house when you’re feeling down and need uplifting? Take a late night drive when you’re on the brink of major decisions?

Those things can do wonders for your mindset, but at the end of the day, you must choose to change your mindset to reach your desired destination and goal.

When I felt God leading me to Houston, I knew that a different mindset would be necessary to navigate this transition. I knew that I could not use the mindset I’d always used. I knew that in order to be open to growing and expanding and becoming more of myself, I had to be willing to develop new habits, to be uncomfortable, to learn. Those things have served me well but not without tears, without wanting to throw in the towel, without wanting to go back where I came from.

I would do myself a great disservice if I didn’t push past the discomfort. I know the reward waiting on the other side and yet, I think it will surprise me beyond my wildest dreams.

So cheers to being willing to be uncomfortable and step out on faith. Whatever lies ahead…God knows.

Posted in Empowerment, Life, purpose

Run Your Race

I have a confession…

I’ve suffered from achievement envy the last few years.

Crazy, I know.

But Deidre, you’ve accomplished alot.

I know, and it still doesn’t feel like enough. It still doesn’t feel impressive some days.

Some days, I feel like I’m JUST Kiddo’s mom. Or JUST a daughter, sister, friend.

Some days, I seriously forget what I have, and what I’ve accomplished.

Crazy I know.

I’ve accomplished ALOT in 31 years. I have to remind myself where I came from.

A graduate of one of the poorest urban districts in the country, I still graduated in the top 17% of my HS graduating class, and already had a semester’s worth of college credits under my belt.

I have THREE degrees (Associates, Bachelor’s, Masters). I have won numerous awards. I’m a member of the MOST Illustrious Sorority on Earth, Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Incorporated, a goal of mine I was able to achieve while being a wife, mom, full time employee, full time graduate student and STILL managed to graduate with a 3.52.

I forget the numerous professional accomplishments I’ve racked up. And now that I’m shifting lanes professionally, I get to set new goals and achieve those.

And yet some days, I look at those younger than me, or the same age as me, or older than me, and feel like they’ve accomplished so much more.

But we didn’t start at the same place. And we weren’t given the same set of tools to work with.

We all had different advantages or disadvantages. We all have our own unique toolboxes, with different gifts and talents, different starting points, different things that give us an edge. None of us really started at a deficit, no matter how much we may feel so. We all encountered obstacles, that we had to overcome to get to where we are. And some of those people we envy, had their own challenges and load to carry.

I say all of that to say, I was reminded today that we must run our own race.

“I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.”

Ecclesiastes 9:11

And that’s it right there. How can I run the race given to me if I’m so busy looking at the person next to me (or on an entirely different track)?

I was graced to do what I do. And if I’m being completely transparent, I have been so busy looking at the person next to me that I didn’t run my race. I didn’t do the best that I could with what I’ve been given.

But it’s okay. I have this moment right here and right now.

I must run my race. There’s something to do in this very moment.

Like write this post and share it with you all.

I have been examining what I want lately and why. I don’t want to desire something simply because someone else has it. That envy is a clue, and I look deeper.

Maybe I recognize part of myself in the people I envy. Maybe I realize there’s something in them that I admire and instead of being envious, I can develop that trait or characteristic in myself. Use it as fuel to do what works for me.

I’m determined to run my race, with blinders on. I want to cheer on others with no envy, but instead pure joy because they are running their race and winning at it. Because I want others to do the same for me.

And to be honest, who am I really without all the accolades, achievements, accomplishments?

I’m still Dei.

Still worthy of love.

It’s not about what I have or what I have done. It’s about who I am.

Run your race.

It’s been given to you for a reason.

Posted in Love, Poetry

You Had Me at Hello (Day 6 Poetry Challenge)

I tried to not fall in love with you

but my feeble attempts failed

You had me at hello

I tried to tell myself that as long as it was within my power, within my domain

I wouldn’t fall for you

It was too soon

But as soon as I saw you for the first time

It was a wrap

You eyes locked with mine

I couldn’t not sit close to you

And as time has gone by

Our love story has become my favorite

Our characters are ones that I’ve loved the most

Our love sweet as sugar, honey, iced tea

As I write this love letter and instead of sending it to you in an envelope

Instead it’ll be placed in a bottle and tossed into the ocean

Maybe someone will find this and be inspired

To take a risk for love

To go for it

To believe that love at first sight does exist

 

 

 

Posted in purpose, Spirituality

Letting Go

Life isn’t happening to me, it’s happening FOR me. And as soon as I realized that, life really began to open up for me.

Sitting here writing this as I reflect and think on my journey, to every moment that led me to this current present state.

The older I get the less I realize I know.

The older I get the more I’m learning to surrender.

I’ve got a secret. Or maybe it’s not a secret.

But I, up until recently, was a control freak. And it damaged alot of relationships and ruined some good things. Well, I don’t know if I believe it ‘ruined’ anything. What I do know is, I know a different way now.

I used to think that if I didn’t make something happen, that it would never happened. I often wanted and pursued things out of desperation and lack. When I did this, I chased away the very thing I wanted and often settled for something that either wasn’t a match to who I really was, or it wasn’t entirely what I wanted but ‘good enough’ was better waiting on that thing that was just right for me.

The thing about ending up somewhere less than where we want to be is that we never let go of the desire to be where we really want to be. And as we move closer to that, anything that isn’t aligned with that desire, has to fall away. That in itself isn’t always a pleasant experience.

But in it, we learn to let go. To surrender. To not force anything that doesn’t feel right. And we know when something doesn’t feel right. We vow not to do anything that isn’t aligned with what we want.

We vow to let go. To take our hands off everything and let God do His thing, work His magic.

Faith is believing in something we cannot see.

Faith is letting go of desperation, of anything less than trust in our deepest desires.

Faith is letting go and letting God.

Posted in Poetry

Day 3 Poetry Challenge

Love isn’t how you feel, it’s what you do

Love isn’t just the way you look at me with the twinkle in your eye or how you feel during love making

Love is taking the trash out because I always forget to do it before I leave

Or letting me have the last croissant occasionally because you know it’s one of my favorite things to eat

Love is letting me sleep in every Saturday because Monday through Friday, I’ve gotten up to take the kids to school every morning

Love is standing by my side as I bury my parents even though you hate funerals

Love is staying with me before and after my wisdom teeth are pulled and making sure I’m good

 

Love is about showing someone you care instead of merely saying it. Actions >Words

Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s what you do ❤

 

Posted in Poetry

The Poem I’d Never Write (Poetry Challenge)

The poem I’d Never write

Is tucked away with the song I’d never sing

Along with the book I’d never pen

 

In it contains words near and dear to my heart

that sings of pain, trials, tears, and fears

But also reads of triumph, joy, happiness and peace

 

The poem I’d never write

is one that discloses my deepest darkest feelings

They say to show them is liberating

I say to show them is risking it all for all the wrong reasons

I’m all for vulnerability but timing is all about seasons

Summertime when we bear it all and show some skin

Leads to broken hearts when it all ends

Fall when the leaves change colors and descend from the heights

When cider and boots go together and folks get cozy

Let me bare my soul when the winter comes

Let my words keep you warm but no that won’t happen

It may turn your heart cold

Spring is when new love blooms and I dare not kill something before it even grows

So the poem I’d never write will remain a story untold