Posted in Empowerment, Life, purpose

Run Your Race

I have a confession…

I’ve suffered from achievement envy the last few years.

Crazy, I know.

But Deidre, you’ve accomplished alot.

I know, and it still doesn’t feel like enough. It still doesn’t feel impressive some days.

Some days, I feel like I’m JUST Kiddo’s mom. Or JUST a daughter, sister, friend.

Some days, I seriously forget what I have, and what I’ve accomplished.

Crazy I know.

I’ve accomplished ALOT in 31 years. I have to remind myself where I came from.

A graduate of one of the poorest urban districts in the country, I still graduated in the top 17% of my HS graduating class, and already had a semester’s worth of college credits under my belt.

I have THREE degrees (Associates, Bachelor’s, Masters). I have won numerous awards. I’m a member of the MOST Illustrious Sorority on Earth, Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Incorporated, a goal of mine I was able to achieve while being a wife, mom, full time employee, full time graduate student and STILL managed to graduate with a 3.52.

I forget the numerous professional accomplishments I’ve racked up. And now that I’m shifting lanes professionally, I get to set new goals and achieve those.

And yet some days, I look at those younger than me, or the same age as me, or older than me, and feel like they’ve accomplished so much more.

But we didn’t start at the same place. And we weren’t given the same set of tools to work with.

We all had different advantages or disadvantages. We all have our own unique toolboxes, with different gifts and talents, different starting points, different things that give us an edge. None of us really started at a deficit, no matter how much we may feel so. We all encountered obstacles, that we had to overcome to get to where we are. And some of those people we envy, had their own challenges and load to carry.

I say all of that to say, I was reminded today that we must run our own race.

“I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.”

Ecclesiastes 9:11

And that’s it right there. How can I run the race given to me if I’m so busy looking at the person next to me (or on an entirely different track)?

I was graced to do what I do. And if I’m being completely transparent, I have been so busy looking at the person next to me that I didn’t run my race. I didn’t do the best that I could with what I’ve been given.

But it’s okay. I have this moment right here and right now.

I must run my race. There’s something to do in this very moment.

Like write this post and share it with you all.

I have been examining what I want lately and why. I don’t want to desire something simply because someone else has it. That envy is a clue, and I look deeper.

Maybe I recognize part of myself in the people I envy. Maybe I realize there’s something in them that I admire and instead of being envious, I can develop that trait or characteristic in myself. Use it as fuel to do what works for me.

I’m determined to run my race, with blinders on. I want to cheer on others with no envy, but instead pure joy because they are running their race and winning at it. Because I want others to do the same for me.

And to be honest, who am I really without all the accolades, achievements, accomplishments?

I’m still Dei.

Still worthy of love.

It’s not about what I have or what I have done. It’s about who I am.

Run your race.

It’s been given to you for a reason.

Posted in Life, Uncategorized

Surrender-Part 2

Surrender.

It is easier to surrender than to fight. Than to force.

Surrender.

When you don’t know what to do, do nothing.

Surrender.

I had to let go of the life I had planned for the life that is waiting on me.

How can you pray for something you want, then get it and try and run and flee to familiarity?

Surrender.

I’d been so busy trying to force things that didn’t work. Relationships, jobs, etc that I caused myself and others unnecessary struggle and suffering because I was hell bent on trying to control things I had no control over.

The only control I had was how I perceived things.

The moments I decided to surrender? Things didn’t magically get better. But they did get better eventually.

A wise person told me that control is an illusion, we really have no control, truth be told. And they were absolutely right.

I decided to give up doing all the ‘right things’ that made me miserable and fearful of judgement, had me all confused…for a life surrendered. It may not be perfect to others but it’s perfect for me.

Posted in Life

To Thine Ownself be True…

I’ve loved and I’ve lost.

Except I don’t feel like I’ve lost. It just didn’t pan out.

I did it all just right. Got married. Finished my degree. Had my son. In that order.

And then it all kinda imploded.

Not at all without warning signs. there were plenty of them.

This isn’t a post to bash anybody, or to tell our business.

This is a post to tell you, dear reader, to thine ownself be true.

Life is messy. It’s rarely a straight, linear line. Life is often a path that is winding and crooked, with lots of detours along the way.

There will be tears. There will be hurt.

but there will also be beautiful surprises. Flowers just because. Dream jobs. Beautiful relationships. Joy. Pure unadulterated JOY.

Life can be scary. Life can be fun.

I’m not quite sure where I was even going with this. But I will say…

My business, uncommon by design? Based off of me.

I have always known how different I was. And yet I wasted years trying to prove that I belong. That I fit in.

But I’ve also known that I was never meant to blend in. I was born to stand out. I was born to be uncommon. That was by design.

I can be incredibly private, sometimes out of shame sometimes out of comfort but I share my writing, I share my truth, because, I want others to know that they’re not the only ones. They’re not the only ones dealing with the fall out of a divorce. They’re not the only ones who once felt unworthy of happiness. they’re not the only one trying to figure life out.
I write, I share to say ‘me too.’

We are all uncommon for a reason. Live your truth. Then share it. Don’t ever hide it. Don’t ever not be who you are. You never know who you can liberate or help by simply being true to you.

To thine ownself be true.

Posted in Faith, Life, purpose

Where You Are…

I have my own struggles just like anybody else.

I LOVE to empower, encourage, uplift others, and sometimes I’m not in the headspace to do so, because I need it myself.

Sometimes I get discouraged by things happening in my own life. But then I remember, that I can make peace with where I am.

Life will never be perfect. Curveballs will always get thrown your way. Challenges will come. People will let you down. But you can still make peace with where you are.

Just remember you are not where you used to be, and that’s something to celebrate. The journey to becoming who you are meant to be…is what it’s all about

Posted in Faith, Life

Surrender

Surrendering is an interesting concept.

The dictionary definition is to cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.

When you stress or worry, you allow it to have authority over you. When you focus intensely in a negative way over a situation you cannot control or have limited control over, you allow it to have authority over you.

Some of us don’t know how to surrender. We’re hell-bent on trying to control things. Maybe it’s because at some point in our life we felt controlled. We felt suffocated and stifled and then got old enough to insist that we would never let anyone or anything control or stifle us so we decided we needed to have all the power…or so we thought.

This led to health issues, relationship conflict, financial issues, etc.

But what if we surrendered?

What if instead of trying to control what is, what if we surrendered to what could be?

What if we decided to trust? Trust that everything will work out for our good?

I know some of us have major trust issues. But what if we forgave those people that broke our hearts, disappointed us, stifled us, tried to control us? What if we set them free?

What if by our setting them free, we liberated ourselves?

What would life be like if we decided to surrender? To not fight those battles that were never meant for us to fight in the first place?

Surrendering is not a bad thing. Sometimes we hold on so tightly to a good thing that we could delay a great thing. There are false assumptions and fears around surrendering.

It could be the best thing we ever did.

Do you need to surrender?

Posted in Life, Love, purpose

Finding my way back to love-a Valentines Day Ode to my dreams

I’m on the eve of my 30 before 30 (30 days before I turn 30) and as I sit here with writers block with a rough draft of my paper due Tuesday, I figured blogging would help me get through it.

Mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I am not who I was last year.
I hit some lows I thought I’d never hit. Dealt with depression, bouts of low self-esteem and struggled with doubts of who I was. I kept finger pointing to external sources to blame for the reason I was unhappy, despite being an excellent student, good mother, wife, daughter and friend.

Truth be told, it was ME all along.

I was too busy wishing I was something I wasn’t. I allowed other people to let me feel inferior. I focused on the past instead of being present in the moment and realizing how much of a gift it was. I concentrated on my fears instead of grabbing hold of reality and who I really am in GOD, who HE created me to be…absolutely brilliant, gorgeous, multi-gifted, trailblazer, creative, and unashamedly uncommon.

Part of last year was spent wishing I was like others. This year, I woke up and decided to celebrate being who I really am, being cut from a different cloth. And as I’ve begun to do that, I’ve realized, some features of who I am aren’t that uncommon at all. I’ve met others who love Jesus and trap music. Other women who can eloquently state why Cam Newton and his blackness is something many are threatened by…all while quoting his stats, where he went to school, and a football analysis of why he didn’t get robbed at the superbowl.

I am returning to the best of me…the me that rocked Keds in high school when everyone else had to wear the latest Js or Air Force Ones. The me that loved God with all of her heart…and didn’t feel bad about listening to ‘secular’ music. The me who knew that there was absolutely NOT another me, and that if the world didn’t get me, it would miss out on something absolutely amazing. The me who wasn’t afraid to dream and then go DO.

As I wrap this up and prepare to begin writing this academic paper, I wrote this post to say the following…

Dear Dreams,

I want to apologize for leaving you behind. I should have never listened to the internal critic within myself that saw reality and didn’t bother to dream anyways. I doubted the fire within that would have propelled me forward.

But no regrets. Everything not only happens for a reason, but I have now learned that true love never dies.

My best friends can remember me with a pad and pen for as long as we can all remember. I was always writing a story or creating a novel on scraps of paper.Performing was also my favorite thing to do, whether it was praise dance or singing in church, or at school. I still remember the looks on everyone’s faces the first time I played Tonex in church (LOL) In college, the highlight of my collegiate experience, was my two first loves-writing/journalism and music.

I hate that I abandoned you. I thought that I could live without you. I thought that if I settled, I could be okay.

Boy was I wrong. And now I know…I found myself in you. With you, I can be who I’ve always wanted to be, who I was always meant to be.

Dear Dreams, I’m back like I never left. Except this time, I’m stronger, wiser, more fierce, and, together, we’ll get to the TOP. It was good that I went and dated other things..because now I’m back and ready to commit. There’s nothing else I want to see or do.

Journalism and Music…I’m back! Happy Valentines Day ❤

Let’s turn the page in this book and sing some new songs…I have no idea where this journey will take us but, let’s make this life unforgettable and everlasting ❤

Love,

Dei

Posted in Life, Uncategorized

10 things that I would tell anyone looking for life advice….but it’s mostly just for me.

Words of wisdom by my sister ❤

Heathergreytees

Some days I feel my age and some days I feel like I just graduated last year. But, time waits for no one and it’s gone by so much faster than I thought. I realize now that I need to make the most of the season I’m in and explore what life has to offer me. Here are a few things that I’ve learned along the way and what advice I would give to my 18 year old self and others who are trying to make decisions.

  1. No one knows what the heck they’re doing. This is so true because all of the times I thought everyone around me had it figured out and I was the only one wandering around aimlessly, it turns out they were doing the same thing too. When I was 18, I thought that I had it all figured out and I had this path…

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