Posted in Life, Spirituality, Uncategorized

Becoming

This time period in my life, has been something else.

Lots of tears shed, for sure. Lots of awkward growing pains.

Lots of moments I’ve wondered why, but never doubted being in the right place at the right time.

I didn’t know becoming would feel so…crazy. I didn’t know becoming would involve SO many sacrifices. I didn’t know becoming would cause me to take some risks that didn’t make sense to everyone, to confront my fears, to allow emotions to flow.

The whole ‘still waters run deep?’ Has been me for so much of my life.

My inner life is rich, one that I’ve kept others out of for SO long. Everyone cannot handle your vulnerability. Everyone doesn’t have the capacity to handle your pains, your fears, your tears, your doubts, your dreams, your laughter in times of sorrow. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just that we were not really created to carry so much of others’.

But one thing I’ve learned is that we work through our own pain and baggage, and as we do that, we create more space within us that increases our capacity to love others. And so many of us are in that space of becoming, and we don’t always know how to release.

When you get burned? You are afraid. Afraid to love again. Trust again. Afraid to ask for help. And often it’s not the burn from strangers that hurts. It’s the burn from loved ones that hurts the most.

I mean, how was I supposed to learn to love and trust again when the people I trusted the most, burned me?

But they didn’t know they burned me. They didn’t know they were running, on fire, from people who burned them, they just know they ran from dealing with the pain they needed to deal with, and in doing so, they hurt others in the process.

I realize now, while writing this, I owe some an apology, while running on fire. I didn’t know at the time I was not really ready to deal with the pain I’d experienced. And often it wasn’t the pain I thought, or others thought.

Hurt people, hurt people, but it’s not an excuse to do it.

It is an excuse to extend grace, and to practice self-care, however.

I’m learning that as I forgive myself, I’m able to forgive others. As I extend grace and love towards myself, I’m able to extend the same towards others.

Becoming isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.

Becoming the best Dei, is an ongoing process. It began several years ago, and this move has profoundly impacted how I see the world, both inside of me and out of it. It has changed the way I feel, the way I process, the way I let others in, as well as the way I keep others out. It has changed how and when and who I draw boundaries with.

I am becoming me, still. I didn’t know it would be SO intense. Even though I may be pretty talkative, I still process within FIRST before sharing with others. Most often, I may not share with others, and if I do, it’s with a select few, that I can usually count on one of my hands. And I hate to admit it but this isn’t always family.

There’s so much more I want to write but for now, I will end this by saying, as we all become, at different paces, I hope we are sensitive to the fact that everyone’s becoming looks different. I also hope we can extend grace towards others, but draw boundaries when necessary and show love and extend grace to ourselves first and foremost.

 

Oh and this picture below is a beautiful reflection pool I found here in Houston…represents peace. Calm. Stillness. For myself. Find whatever that looks like for you in the midst of becoming for now. It may change over time. Be okay with that.

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Posted in purpose, Spirituality

Letting Go

Life isn’t happening to me, it’s happening FOR me. And as soon as I realized that, life really began to open up for me.

Sitting here writing this as I reflect and think on my journey, to every moment that led me to this current present state.

The older I get the less I realize I know.

The older I get the more I’m learning to surrender.

I’ve got a secret. Or maybe it’s not a secret.

But I, up until recently, was a control freak. And it damaged alot of relationships and ruined some good things. Well, I don’t know if I believe it ‘ruined’ anything. What I do know is, I know a different way now.

I used to think that if I didn’t make something happen, that it would never happened. I often wanted and pursued things out of desperation and lack. When I did this, I chased away the very thing I wanted and often settled for something that either wasn’t a match to who I really was, or it wasn’t entirely what I wanted but ‘good enough’ was better waiting on that thing that was just right for me.

The thing about ending up somewhere less than where we want to be is that we never let go of the desire to be where we really want to be. And as we move closer to that, anything that isn’t aligned with that desire, has to fall away. That in itself isn’t always a pleasant experience.

But in it, we learn to let go. To surrender. To not force anything that doesn’t feel right. And we know when something doesn’t feel right. We vow not to do anything that isn’t aligned with what we want.

We vow to let go. To take our hands off everything and let God do His thing, work His magic.

Faith is believing in something we cannot see.

Faith is letting go of desperation, of anything less than trust in our deepest desires.

Faith is letting go and letting God.

Posted in Spirituality, Wellness

Why Things Didn’t Go the Way You Wanted Them To-Mastin Kipp

This was in my inbox this morning…talk about perfect timing ❤

 

A Divine Storm, as I call them, are moments in your life when you feel like life/The Divine/The Universe is against you. Nothing is going well.

You question everything and maybe even say something like “Why is this happening to me?”

What I’ve come to find, is that moments like this are powerful opportunities to grow. Divine Storms are wake up calls. They are not ushering in the end, but rather clearing space for what’s trying to be born in your life.

But – we tend to interrupt the process.

We hang on to how it was and fear how it could be. And perhaps we slip into assuming the worst, instead of preparing for a miracle.

You see, when you go through a crisis, a hard time, a moment of pain – there is always, and I do mean always, a breakthrough on the other side.

And just past the breakthrough, the new awareness, the inevitable “aha moment” you’ve been searching for – comes redemption.

We live in a Universe that specializes in redemption.

We need not worry. We need not assume the worst.

But rather, make our aim to surrender our Will to Divine Will.

Instead of trying to make The Divine make sense, we release the need to know why things happen as they do and step into the trust that we are being guided in every moment.

And we choose to believe that what we are going through now is preparing us for what we desire.

You are not being punished; you are being prepared.

Prepared for more love.

Prepared for more impact.

Prepared to inspire change in others.

Prepared for more awareness.

Prepared for your dreams.

When we step out into the sweet unknown, we can release the thoughts of pending doom, or life falling apart.

We can choose to believe that when life falls apart, it’s not over, but rather the energy is moving, changing, shifting to reflect the changes in our inner world.

We need not fear the changes but embrace them with a feeling of sweet surrender that our Creator knows what’s best for us.

And in doing so, we can begin to find peace within transition; we can bring meaning within loss, and we can find recovery within our addiction.

You are being prepared.

What no longer serves you is being removed from your life, and new life and a new power is coming to you.

At first, it won’t make sense. But soon, you will know why things had to be the way they were.

Until then – assume the best. Don’t stop a miracle in progress.

Remember to get out there, take action and make it real. 

Your biggest supporter,

Mastin

Posted in Spirituality

Intuition and Greatness

An oldie but GOODIE…absolutely necessary for today! Good morning

Deidre Michelle

“You can still be who you wish you is, it aint happened yet and that’s what intuition is”

-Kanye West, I Wonder

I have always loved Kanye West. Even in his crazy antics (because in many times, he was telling the truth…not always, but often), I appreciated his candor, but most importantly I’ve always appreciated his confidence and his desire to share that with the world.

I wonder how young Kanye was, when he knew he would be great? I wonder how young he was when he found a sense of purpose, direction?

Graduation is one of my favorite albums of his. And “I Wonder” is my favorite song on that album. Perhaps my favorite song of his, period.

“I Wonder” is a song that that has always resonated with me, because I often ‘wondered’ about my dreams.I wondered, if I was crazy for the big goals that I have. If…

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Posted in Empowerment, Spirituality

Nothing is Wasted

There’s nothing like making mistakes…like investing all of your time, money, talents and attention…just to see something fail. Something you worked your BEHIND off for. Something you’ve wanted for the LONGEST. And, it wasn’t at all what you thought it would be. In fact, you could take it all back. You wish it had never happened.

Folks say you shouldn’t regret anything that happens in life, but you definitely regret this. It’s got you wondering ‘Okay, now what?’ Or maybe it’s got you feeling like you missed an opportunity, like you missed your blessing. You’re not where you think you’re supposed to be, and you’re convinced that you basically have to settle for second best, or third best, or basically left overs and scraps, because you’ve screwed up.

You weren’t supposed to lose that GREAT job. You know, the one that paid more money than you had ever seen in your life? The one that allowed you to get the nicest car you’ve ever driven? Your marriage wasn’t supposed to end this way. You and your child’s father were supposed to live happily ever after. But he left, and you’re convinced that it’s your fault for being with him in the first place. So you won’t get that happily ever after. And you’ve decided to accept that. Or maybe you haven’t, and you’re struggling with your mistakes.

I remember some mistakes I made back in 2004. I carried the guilt

But when are you going to forgive yourself for being wrong? For making what you thought, was the best decision at the time? Or maybe you knew it was wrong all along and figured, you could always undo it later…only you discovered too late in the game, that you couldn’t fix it. What’s done is done.

When are you going to let yourself off the hook? When are you going to recognize that, God has already forgiven you, and already has something GREAT lined up for you, in spite of? See, many of us have been sold a bill of goods. Many of us believe that, if we do everything JUST RIGHT, that we’ll be blessed.

But what if I told you that blessings aren’t for those of us who do everything JUST RIGHT? What if your destiny, your purpose INCLUDED your mistakes? I believe the bible when it says that God numbered all of our hairs on our head…so He definitely KNOWS us.

Any of us who are parents, or have a significant other, or even have a good friend that they KNOW inside and out? We often know the decisions and choices they will make before they even make them! And, God is the same way with us! He KNEW we would make mistakes! And what’s crazy is, He decided to include those mistakes and turn them around and use them for HIS purpose, HIS glory!

I’m writing all of this to say, nothing is ever wasted. Even if we feel like we’ve wasted time, money, resources, opportunities…God can open doors that no man can shut. He can’t replace the time lost, but He can set things up to where things happen for us twice as fast, where blessings come sooner than expected. He can help us to maximize time we have left, and give us double the things we lost before, no matter how bad we thought we blew it.

There is POWER in your mistakes, your blown chances. Love your story and own it, all of it…good, bad and ugly. Especially the bad and ugly. Because, it’s likely that the very thing you hate will end up being the very thing that God uses as a vehicle.  to bless you. Nothing is ever wasted. Ever.