I have a confession…
I’ve suffered from achievement envy the last few years.
Crazy, I know.
But Deidre, you’ve accomplished alot.
I know, and it still doesn’t feel like enough. It still doesn’t feel impressive some days.
Some days, I feel like I’m JUST Kiddo’s mom. Or JUST a daughter, sister, friend.
Some days, I seriously forget what I have, and what I’ve accomplished.
Crazy I know.
I’ve accomplished ALOT in 31 years. I have to remind myself where I came from.
A graduate of one of the poorest urban districts in the country, I still graduated in the top 17% of my HS graduating class, and already had a semester’s worth of college credits under my belt.
I have THREE degrees (Associates, Bachelor’s, Masters). I have won numerous awards. I’m a member of the MOST Illustrious Sorority on Earth, Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Incorporated, a goal of mine I was able to achieve while being a wife, mom, full time employee, full time graduate student and STILL managed to graduate with a 3.52.
I forget the numerous professional accomplishments I’ve racked up. And now that I’m shifting lanes professionally, I get to set new goals and achieve those.
And yet some days, I look at those younger than me, or the same age as me, or older than me, and feel like they’ve accomplished so much more.
But we didn’t start at the same place. And we weren’t given the same set of tools to work with.
We all had different advantages or disadvantages. We all have our own unique toolboxes, with different gifts and talents, different starting points, different things that give us an edge. None of us really started at a deficit, no matter how much we may feel so. We all encountered obstacles, that we had to overcome to get to where we are. And some of those people we envy, had their own challenges and load to carry.
I say all of that to say, I was reminded today that we must run our own race.
“I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.”
And that’s it right there. How can I run the race given to me if I’m so busy looking at the person next to me (or on an entirely different track)?
I was graced to do what I do. And if I’m being completely transparent, I have been so busy looking at the person next to me that I didn’t run my race. I didn’t do the best that I could with what I’ve been given.
But it’s okay. I have this moment right here and right now.
I must run my race. There’s something to do in this very moment.
Like write this post and share it with you all.
I have been examining what I want lately and why. I don’t want to desire something simply because someone else has it. That envy is a clue, and I look deeper.
Maybe I recognize part of myself in the people I envy. Maybe I realize there’s something in them that I admire and instead of being envious, I can develop that trait or characteristic in myself. Use it as fuel to do what works for me.
I’m determined to run my race, with blinders on. I want to cheer on others with no envy, but instead pure joy because they are running their race and winning at it. Because I want others to do the same for me.
And to be honest, who am I really without all the accolades, achievements, accomplishments?
I’m still Dei.
Still worthy of love.
It’s not about what I have or what I have done. It’s about who I am.
Run your race.
It’s been given to you for a reason.